“Häissä syödähän surutta, eletähän huoletonna” – a Finnish proverb
In the wedding, one eats without sorrow and lives without worries.

The Finnish weddings have long traditions with influences from Karelia, Sweden and later from France and England. Traditions differ a lot depending on the region. Nowadays, Finnish weddings may be quite generic to other “Western” weddings and social media has its impact, too: some want to have a big and spectacular wedding whereas most of the Finns still prefer simple, modest, and small weddings. We’ve noticed that it’s more and more common to invite only the closest friends and family, and to have “weddings that look like us” rather than following old wedding etiquette.

During and after the Second World War, weddings were very minimalistic and small. Minimalistic weddings were also popular during the 70’s. However, for centuries before WW II, Finnish weddings were very spectacular and required several years of planning and savings, and this was very common until the 1930s.

Weddings could last for several days, or even for weeks, and usually the whole village (and the neighbouring villages) was invited, if only the family could afford it. The whole village usually took part in arrangements and, therefore, weddings were very big celebrations. Weddings have always been full of music, dancing and joy, and to regulate the festivities, a law (in the 1640s) restricted the number of musicians to be maximum 6 players in the weddings of the common people. Music was (and still is) essential part of the weddings and despite the restrictions, people often came to the church singing and playing and the musicians (spelmen, “pelimanni”) were even escorting the bride to the altar by playing folk songs during the 1700s. These songs then turned to “wedding marches” and from the 1800s every region or community was eager to have their own wedding march. Maybe the most popular wedding march in Finland is the Erkki Melartin’s Festival March from “The Sleeping Beauty” (“Prinsessa Ruusunen” in Finnish).

Wedding in Jurva in 1930s with folk musicians (spelmen)

Most Finns are Lutheran Christians and the religious ceremonies were considered essential in 1686 by the new church law. However, religious ceremony wasn’t obligatory before 1734. After that, it was the only way to get a marriage certificate until civil ceremonies were possible in 1917.

Before the time of church law and religious ceremonies, marriage begun after the wedding night when the husband made a vow (huomenlahjalupaus) to his wife. Prior to the wedding night, groom’s best man (spokesman) made a deal with the bride’s matchmaker (father). According to the law, the groom needed to ask for the hand of the girl he wanted to marry from her father. In reality, usually best man was the person to negotiate all details (dowries, other gifts, engagement) with the father (if the bride didn’t have a separate matchmaker). After all things were agreed, the bestman paid a donation fee to the father for raising the girl, the couple was able to get engaged and (traditionally 1 year and 1 day after the engagement) get married. Before the official engagement, the bride went to the groom’s home for a 1-week visit to get familiar with the family customs and to show her abilities in household duties. The father of the groom could also come to the bride’s home to test her abilities.

Kapiokirstu (a dowry chest)

Traditionally, the bride (with the help of other women in the village) needed to prepare dowries before getting married. These dowries (“kapiot” in Finnish) included clothes, decorative tapestry, embroidered linens, pillowcases, towels, blankets, material for clothing, etc. for the need of the first years of marriage (so that the new husband didn’t need to spent a lot of money to his wife’s clothes or linens). Sometimes, the bride-to-be took the whole year off from her usual duties after the engagement and focused on sewing and knitting, as the linens, towels and pillowcases were traditionally embroidered with the bride’s (new) initials by hand. Kapiot were still common in the 60’s, and were given to the girl when she moved out (even if not getting married straight away) from her parents’ house.

In the past, the couple celebrated the wedding twice before the official wedding ceremony itself: first in the bride’s home (leaving party), followed by a celebration at the groom’s home (welcoming party). The trip between these two homes was also full of festivities. Traditional wedding menu included smoked meat, bread, salted fish, and butter. This has changed during the years and of course depended on the (economical) status of the family. The richest people got influences from across Europe and often offered very exotic dishes. One thing has remained (independent of the social class and status): the alcohol. There is a long tradition of drinking beer and spirits in the Finnish weddings and the running out of booze was considered as a SHAME and was thought to threaten the marriage. An exception for the tradition of huge alcohol consumption was during the “kieltolaki” (Prohibition, 1919-1932) when also non-alcohol weddings were quite common. Nowadays it’s not that exceptional to have alcohol-free weddings or weddings where the alcohol is self-paid. Probably due to the lesser general alcohol consumption in Finland (even if still quite high). Way back, the region of South Ostrobothnia (Etelä-Pohjanmaa) was known from its (sometimes violent) weddings where spirit ran like a river and (maybe because of that) several uninvited guests called “puukkojunkkarit” (literally: “knife junkers”) often disturbed the celebration with their knifes. Fights among puukkojunkkaris were common and they made trouble and circulated among towns and villages. The first homicides happened in the 1790s, but the famous “golden age” of puukkojunkkaris lasted from the 1820s to the 1880s. Sometimes these weddings were followed by one or several funerals and, therefore, the government wanted to prevent these episodes. Nowadays, weddings are smaller and fights are not a common thing in Finnish (not even in Ostrobothnian) weddings.

As the weddings tended to be big (hundreds of guests), many guests brought food and drinks with them. This was necessary as in addition to (all) relatives from both sides, often the nearby villagers were also invited. These food gifts didn’t replace wedding gifts: in different regions it was a custom to request a permission to make a toast (“malja”) and in exchange promise something for the pair. Richer guests sometimes competed with other guests (and drank a lot of alcohol) by promising even land or animals as a gift. In the past, it was common that the wedding expenses were approximately as much as the bride’s father’s annual salary. If the pair was from a poorer family, instead of having a big wedding, they often asked for “wedding money” from the bride’s parents to make a bit better living in the new household. This was usually approximately twice as much as the annual maidservant’s or farmhand’s salary.

Traditions that are still alive:

  • Engagement rings in Finland are traditionally golden (nowadays mostly white gold, though). They are worn by both partners. When getting married only the bride gets a new ring. Rings are worn in the left hand’s 4th (ring-)finger. In Finnish, this finger is called “nimetön” which means “nameless”. No change of rings or fingers takes place during the ceremony.
  • June, July and August (Finnish summer months) are popular wedding months. Saturday is the most popular day for the wedding.
  • A bride has her maid of honour or “kaaso” like she is known in Finland. The groom has his best man (or men). These used to be at least married, older persons, usually close relatives, but nowadays both kaaso and bestman are close friends of the couple.
  • The couple use a car with some “decorations” on its exhaust pipe when driving from the ceremony to the wedding reception. People sometimes tie a cord with the bride’s old doll, groom shoes and perhaps some empty cans to the pipe. This tradition used to represent the ending of an old life and starting a new one.
  • A wedding reception in Finland often includes at least one game. For example, guests can play a quiz about details from the life of bride and groom. In addition, a “shoe game” is a popular one.
  • The guests are not allowed to take off their jackets until the groom takes off his.
  • Finnish newlyweds often feed each other with the wedding cake. This should show that they will always care for each other.
  • The bride and groom cut the cake together. In parts of Finland people believe that the person whose hand is placed above the hand of the other partner will be the dominate in their life. Usually the most exciting part is, however, the cutting itself: when the knife hits the bottom of the cake, both are trying to stamp their feet loudly (for the same reason). Who is the first to react is thought to be the dominate in their married life.
  • Everyone wants to dance with the bride (it’s an great honor). In the past, guests payed some money to do it. Nowadays each person just wish her all the best – no money given! 😀
  • Like in some other countries, the Finnish bride is often kidnapped by the groom’s friends. The Finns call this tradition “morsiamenryöstö”. To get her back the groom has to accomplish some tasks.
  • Many couples also include throwing of the bridal bucket (“morsiuskimppu”) and the garter/suspender (“sukkanauha”) in their wedding program.
  • The bridal couple should be the first ones to leave the party. However, we want to enjoy our wedding day with our lovely guests and party with you until the end of the day (if only we have energy for it 😉 ) and we would like to have you with us as long as possible.

Traditions that are not common anymore:

  • In the past the bride walked around her neighbourhood holding a pillowcase. People traditionally put presents, such as cloths, towels, handkerchiefs, laces, socks, money, food, and linens, in the pillowcase. She was accompanied by her maid of honor (who was traditionally an older married woman from her family and had good communication skills). These presents were part of the dowries and gifts for the wedding guests, and some of these gifts circulated within the village. The bride was giving the collected gifts also to the uninvited guests. This walk was called the “bride’s aid trip” (morsiamenapumatka in Finnish) and was ment to cover some of the wedding expenses. Sometimes the helper was even hired for this purpose as the aid received from a succeeded trip to the nearby villages was so significant. According to some stories, this was still a (rare) tradition in 1940s.
  • Some wedding receptions include a tradition where the bride holds a male kid for few minutes. She does it as there is a belief according to which she will then get many children.
  • Traditionally, the bride was made to cry (weeping, “itkettäminen”) in order to protect her from spirits and supernatural forces. This was also part of the wedding rituals (rite of passage) and after the weeping, bride’s hair was tied as was appropriate for a married woman. The louder the bride cried in her wedding, the happier she would be in the future.
  • During the weeping, single women danced around the blindfolded bride and sang the weeping polska reminding the bride of all the nice things they’d experienced together. Bride then gave her wedding crown (or anadem, flower crown) to one of the single women present at the wedding reception. The single woman who gets the crown is going to get married next. The donation of the wedding crown symbolised also a change: from the bride to a wife.
  • One part of the wedding ceremony was to escort the newlyweds to their bedroom for the wedding night or just for a visit. Most of the guests used to take part in this and it was a ritual that symbolised the change of life situation.
  • There is a tradition according to which the couple circulates a plate among the guests for money donations. Money was raised also by arranging “booze weddings” in which guests paid for dancing or the alcohol. However, these booze weddings turned out to be quite troublesome. One tradition to raise money in the wedding was a “wedding court game” (in Finnish “hääkäräjät”) while some offered a sauna and bathing for the guests against a fee.
  • After hours of dancing everyone joins in the final dance of the evening. It is the waltz. It has a bit unusual procedure. Each woman dances with the bride. At the same time men dance with the groom. After that men dance with the bride etc. The goal is that every person present manages to dance with the bride and groom.

References:

Finnish Wedding Traditions:
https://amoriini.com/suomalaiset-haat/
http://weddings.traditionscustoms.com/finnish_wedding
http://www.worldweddingtraditions.net/finnish-wedding-traditions/ Finnish wedding customs http://finlander.genealogia.fi/sfhswiki/index.php/Finnish_wedding_customs Wedding Traditions http://www.finlandforum.org/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=35909 Finnish Traditions: Weddings http://finnishtraditions.blogspot.com/2014/06/wedding.html Finns and their wedding traditions http://www.lexiophiles.com/english/finns-and-their-wedding-traditions Finnish weddings https://lifeinfinland.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/finnish-weddings/ Lynn Sederloef-Airisto, Finland Wedding : Some Fun Facts & a Call for Change http://www.lacybox.com/blogs/lacybox-blog/34582405-weddings-in-finland-some-fun-facts-a-call-for-change